Comrade Obama and the Space Program

Fox News commentator Sandy Rios made some very thinly veiled suggestions that the downgrade of the US  space program may be part of a White House plot to help the Soviets regain power.  She noted connections between the Obama White House and real or imagined communists, including environmentalist Van Jones, the former WH communications  director Anita Dunn, and Obama’s  "mentor" Frank Marshall Davis, who edited a communist newspaper.  These connections are similar to those previously emphasized by the conspiratorial Glenn Beck on his Fox News show. 

“Comrade President, I just wanted to check up on the progress of the plans to restore our Russian friends to power.”

“It’s going quite well, Comrade Pelosi, although we’ve had a few setbacks lately.  Comrades Van Jones and Anita Dunn have both resigned their positions, and so we’re a little short on experienced operatives,” Obama said as tugged on a Sobranie Black Russian cigarette.  “I’ve got to give up smoking these. Michelle will get really pissed if she catches me.  Good old Frank - Frank Marshall Davis - got me hooked on these when I was a kid.  Also, I really like the black paper and the gold foil filter – it makes me look so … revolutionary, don’t you think.”

“I have no time for these bourgeois notions of yours, Comrade.  Remember, we put you into this office for the sole purpose of restoring Soviet Russia to its former greatness.  Now tell me, have you succeeded in dismantling the US space program?”

“I apologize for my remarks, Comrade.  But in my efforts to seem like an American, I’m afraid some of their anti-social habits of thinking have rubbed off on me.”

“Yes, Comrade Barack Barackovich, I can see that.  It’s actually a good ploy to have the Americans fear you might be a Muslim – this will keep them from discovering the truth.  That reactionary Glenn Beck was getting too close for comfort, but we were able to get him fired from Fox News.  But now, Sandy Rios is raising alarms that are somewhat worrying.  She’s putting out all the old Glenn Beck stuff, but more importantly, she’s keying in on your destruction of the American space program. And then there was that unfortunate open mic episode with Comrade Medvedev.  That was very careless of you, Comrade.”  Pelosi leaned over Obama’s desk and jabbed a finger at him.  “Rios has got to be stopped!”

“Well, Comrade Peloski…uh, Pelosi,  I’ll talk to Comrade Axelrod to see what can be done.  I’m afraid it may require more than simply stating that she’s a paranoid right wing nutter.”  Obama replied, blowing smoke from his nostrils and stamping out the Sobranie butt in the special ashtray hidden in a desk drawer. 

“As for the space program,” he continued, “you’ve undoubtedly seen the news reports.  So far, the reaction to using Russian rockets to get our guys up into space has been pretty mild, except for the a few outliers like Rios.  Now we are prepared to initiate the final phase of this project – our astronauts will unknowingly bring back the Russian analog of the Stuxnet computer worm in their files.  Before long, it will infect the NASA computers and render them all useless, as we’ve discussed…God, I need another cigarette – Oh shit, no more Sobranies.”

“Your work on the space program has been excellent, Comrade President….Here,” she said, reaching into her voluminous purse, “I’ve brought another case of Sobranies for you.  There’s more where that came from, as long as you continue on the path we’ve laid out for you.”

“Thanks, Comrade, thanks so much,” said the President, tearing open the carton and lighting up another cigarette.  "Товарищ",  he said, a faint smile playing out over his lips as he inhaled.