The poet William Stafford set himself the task of writing a poem a day. When someone asked him what he would do when his poem-of-the-day wasn't very good, he replied "I simply lower my standards." In order to increase output, the bar here is set at a low level - the point of this is to have some fun with current events and politics. I welcome contributions and comments. Now you can also follow Doggerelo on Twitter (@doggerelo). Because of continuing medical problems, I'm no longer able to post a poem-a-day. I'll continue to post poems, but at a reduced frequency, so please stay tuned.

Saturday, September 29, 2012


Due to continuing medical problems, I'll no longer be able to post a poem a day.  I'll still post poems from time to time, but at a reduced frequency.  Please stay tuned.


Friday, September 28, 2012

Everyone Loves a Winner

Donations to Priorities USA Action, President Obama’s Super Pac, have increased sharply in the last few weeks.  It seems likely that this is related to Mr. Obama’s recent rise in the polls.  Some folks clearly like being associated with a winning ticket. 

Contributions to him have been slack
But Obama’s now on the right track
And the rich want to go
With a winner and so
They throw dough at his Super Pac. 

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Let Ryan be Ryan

Conservative leaders feel that Romney’s campaign would be enhanced if only Paul Ryan were "unleashed" and allowed to be himself. 

Let Ryan be Ryan the conservatives cry
Go rogue, Paul, cries Sarah - let the sh*t fly
Whatever he says just couldn't be worse
Than Mitt's dull recital of chapter and verse.
But Ryan unleashed could be pretty upsetting
To old folks whose Medicare plans he'd be vetting
And Medicaid, Social Security too
Paul Ryan's got plans for me and for you
Aside from throwing the right wing red meat
Paul's words would be likely to bring him defeat.
So for the ticket perhaps it'd be wise
And keep Paul Ryan immersed in disguise.

Let Romney be Romney, no one's said that yet
Maybe because they don't know what they'd get

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Bibi Avoidance

President Obama gave a speech at the United Nations today, in which he condemned both religious intolerance and the violence that sometimes results from that intolerance.  However, he did not set aside time to meet individually with any of the world leaders that were present for the event.  This is a departure from past practice, but may be seen as an effort to avoid any controversy on foreign affairs during his election campaign.  I think he may also have wanted to avoid giving Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu a platform for influencing the election in favor of Mitt Romney. 

Obama spoke at the UN.
He lobbied for peace among men.
But he wouldn't meet one-on-one
With leaders who might have begun
To raise sticky issues that might
Put Obama in a bad light.
He won't give Bibi a chance
To make news at Obama's expense
And tilt the election a bit
To favor his good friend Mitt.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Roller Pollsters

Recent polls in the state of Ohio give President Obama a 5 percentage point lead over Governor Romney.  Ohio is generally considered to be a “must win” state for the Republican Presidential campaign. 

Ohio's a state where life swings,
It can go either way with some things.
But Mitt's got to concede
Barack's in the lead.
Ohio's where the fat lady sings

Monday, September 24, 2012

Go Rogue, Mitt

Sarah Palin’s advice to Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan is to “go rogue” because, in her view, America is at a “come to Jesus” moment and needs straight talk about the economy.

Go rogue Mitt, go rogue
If you want to be the Pres
Listen to what Sarah says
You've got to put aside those blinders
You shouldn't listen to your minders
Take your advice from me
Forget about the GOP.

Go rogue Mitt, go rogue
Your campaign so far's been really dumb
'Cause your real feelings you keep mum
It's a "come to Jesus" time
Silence now would be a crime
Don't hold back no more
Let people know the score.

Go rogue Mitt, go rogue.
Th'economy is really bleak
Why don't you rise up and speak?
Perhaps you're just a hollow man,
You haven't really got a plan...
Although it's not in vogue
Go rogue Mitt, go rogue.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Mitt Donates Big Bucks to IRS

Mitt Romney released his 2011 tax records on Friday.  He paid an effective tax rate of 14.1%, but this was substantially higher than the 9.6% rate he would have paid if he had claimed all the deductions he was entitled to.  Thus, Mitt donated a substantial sum of money to the IRS in order to fulfill his statement that he has  spent at least 13% of his income in federal income taxes in each of the last 10 years. 

This year Mitt made a lot of dough
But what's he paid in taxes though?
He gave a lot to charity,
That's a Mormon verity.
He's generous to the gov'ment too,
Dismissed what he's entitled to.
He lost a lot of cash to get
His tax rate to 14 percent.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Voter ID Law Only Disenfranchises Lazy Voters

Pennsylvania State Representative Daryl Metcalfe, the original sponsor of Pennsylvania’s strict voter ID law, said today that only people too lazy to be bothered to get their photo ID would be disenfranchised by the measure.  He included in this group the 47% of the population that don’t pay income taxes, as highlighted by Mitt Romney’s comments at a fundraiser in May.  When asked whether legitimate voters would be disenfranchised by the law, Metcalfe responded:

I don’t believe any legitimate voter that actually wants to exercise that right and takes on the according responsiblity that goes with that right to secure their photo ID will be disenfranchised. As Mitt Romney said, 47% of the people that are living off the public dole, living off their neighbors’ hard work, and we have a lot of people out there that are too lazy to get up and get out there and get the ID they need. If individuals are too lazy, the state can’t fix that.

Some folks are too lazy to get
A voter ID that would let
Them vote for whoever they choose
And yet it is us they accuse
Of having a hand in promoting
The suppression of Democrat voting.

This is what Metcalfe said -
There’s something wrong with his head
He must a little bit crazy
If he thinks poor folks are just lazy
How does he come up with this shit?
I’ll bet it started with Mitt.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Chair Lynched in Austin

In Austin, that bastion of Texas liberalism, a homeowner hung an empty chair from a tree branch in his yard.  He was a previous winner of the “Yard of the Month” award from a homeowners association.  When asked about the none-too subtle implication the President Obama should be lynched, the homeowner replied , "I don't really give a damn whether it disturbs you or not. You can take [your concerns] and go straight to hell and take Obama with you. I don't give a shit. If you don't like it, don't come down my street."

Let’s string up an empty chair
I know it’s racist – I don’t care
My speech in this here country’s free
So I can say what pleases me
And if some take it the “wrong” way
That’s exactly what I mean to say. 

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Nervous Nellie Noonan

Peggy Noonan, once a speechwriter for Ronald Reagan and now a conservative columnist for the Wall Street Journal, vented her considserable frustration with Mitt Romney in a blog post on Tuesday following the “47%” debacle.  Among a great many other things, she said, “It’s time to admit the Romney campaign is an incompetent one. It’s not big, it’s not brave, it’s not thoughtfully tackling great issues. It’s always been too small for the moment.” She had this advice for the candidate: “Be serious and fight. If you’re gonna lose, lose honorably. If you’re gonna win do it with meaning.”  Romney’s response so far has not been encouraging to those on the right.

A visibly upset Peggy Noonan
With Mitt has been importunin’ -
Clean up your act and start croonin’
A song with a different tune, an’
Quit the distasteful impugnin’
Of poor folks who aren’t like you an’
weren’t born with a silver spoon in
Their mouths. Stop acting jejune an’
Come out of your rich guy’s cocoon an’
With regular folks start communin’.
If I were Mitt I would tune in
And listen to Ms. Peggy Noonan.  

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

What Mitt Really Thinks

The Obama campaign need not expend further effort in depicting Mitt Romney as an out-of-touch, arrogant, pitiless rich guy, because Mitt himself has done this far more effectively in his remarks at a fund-raising event last May. His comments, given in a relaxed, very comfortable manner, were captured on a secretly-recorded video released by the liberal magazine Mother Jones.  In case you have just returned from outer space, here is part of what he said,

There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it. That that's an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And they will vote for this president no matter what…These are people who pay no income tax.

Mitt Romney, when he relaxes,
Says half of us don’t pay taxes
“Their votes they will cast
For Obama en masse
I’m sorry but that’s what the facts is.

“They’re about forty-seven percent
Who depend on the government
They are wards of the state
And they think that’s just great.
To our plans they will never consent.

“They never will vote for me
Because they will never agree
To stop being a moocher,
Get a job with a future
And start living responsibly.”

Mitt Romney’s dissed half of the nation
His words have caused great consternation
He said what he thinks
But what he thinks stinks
His campaign’s nearing disintegration.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

The Blame Falls Mainly On...

Even Jennifer Rubin, Romney’s most egregiously stalwart supporter, is finding fault with the Romney campaign, although not with Romney himself.  Nevertheless, she joins the chorus of voices from the right who are saying that something is terribly wrong and that change is needed.  

The Romney campaign is taking some heat
The right-wingers think that he’s set for defeat
It’s a food fight that happens within their own ranks
To find who to blame as their whole campaign tanks
Some say it’s the press - they’re biased you know,
Some say it’s the polls and what they don’t show
Some say it’s his manager, he’s so inept,
But there’s just one thing they find hard to accept
That it’s Romney himself that’s mostly to blame
His shape-shifting views are like a shell game
‘Though he tries to adjust, he can’t be who he’s not
The voters respect he just hasn’t got.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Obama Drama

In foreign affairs, Obama is constantly pictured as weak, apologetic and pusillanimous by Mitt Romney and the rest of the Republican right.  But when Obama acts otherwise, as in his blunt telephone call to Egyptian President Mohamed Morsi last week, it’s never acknowledged by his detractors. 

They say that Obama is weak
That his foreign policy's meek
But he dressed Morsi down
So that he came around:
Morsi’s coursi changed quickly last week.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Vacation Time in Washington

Republican House Majority Leader Eric Cantor announced on Friday that the House will stand in recess until November 13.  This leaves a large number of important bills, not to mention possible action on the looming “fiscal cliff”, in legislative limbo.  Perhaps the election will serve to focus their attention on what Representatives need to do the fulfill the minimum requirements of their job description. 

Congress has a lot to do -
So what is this world coming to
When legislation’s cast aside
And representatives decide
That rather than work for our nation
It’s time for a 2-month vacation?

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Mitt's End Begins

On returning from vacation, I was greeted by the spectacle of Mitt Romney committing political suicide by attacking Obama’s foreign policy, in the most personal terms, during an ongoing crisis involving the murder of the American ambassador to Libya and three embassy co-workers by Muslim extremists. Talk about tone deaf. The polls show Obama surging into strong leads nationwide and, most importantly, in the battleground states of Virginia, Florida and Ohio, which the Romney team must win to have any chance of gaining the White House.

Mitt Romney’s future’s looking grim:
He climbed way out upon a limb
And claimed Obama is so weak
He apologized to those who seek
To harm our people overseas -
His tendency is to appease.
But he misjudged the nation’s mood
And looks a little bit unglued;
A selfish point he tried to make
With tragedy and death at stake.
The leaders of the GOP
Are wondering how Mitt could be,
With such an issue to exploit,
So blundering and maladroit.
The recent polls have shown quite clearly
Mitt’s mistakes have cost him dearly
In Florida, Ohio too,
The numbers say Mitt might be through -
He can’t afford to lose these states
His mission’s now in dire straits.
What can he do to turn around
his numbers in a sharp rebound?
To keep his polls from heading south
He must be sure to shut his mouth
Or any statement he might make
Could be another bad mistake.
His hopes it seems would largely rest
On qualities that are his best -
He’ll hope that voters will embrace
His splendid hair and pretty face.

Friday, September 14, 2012

A Woman Scorned

I’ll be taking a break for a couple of weeks, but while I’m gone, here are some of Doggerelo’s greatest hits, in case you missed them first time around. 

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Scandal dogged the President’s South American trip, as 12 secret service agents assigned to protecting the President were sent home on charges relating to soliciting sex from local prostitutes.  Apparently one of the agents did not pay for services rendered, leading to a complaint from the woman involved

A secret service bro’
Solicited sex from a pro
Her pay he retained
So she loudly complained
His service ain’t secret no mo’.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Jewish Socialism

I’ll be taking a break for a couple of weeks, but while I’m gone, here are some of Doggerelo’s greatest hits, in case you missed them first time around. 

Saturday, March 17, 2012

It turns out, not surprisingly, that Sandra Fluke, the object (slut! prostitute!) of Rush Limbaugh’s ravings about her Congressional testimony on birth control, has a boyfriend, Adam Mutterperl.  Brooks Bayne has written an anti-Semitic screed that focuses on the relationship between Mutterperl’s family  and “the typical Jewish variant of socialism”.  The words “Jew” or “Jewish” appear 18 times in Bayne's article – get the point?

Ms. Fluke’s got a boyfriend, and wouldn’t you know,
He’s from a rich family, but that is not all,
The family is Jewish! My God, what a blow!
They’re linked to several Jews that appall
Like Louis Brandeis, a secular Jew
And socialist once on our highest Court,
And the Jewish eponymous Brandeis U.
Which foments neo-Marxist support.
The boyfriend’s parents, Nancy and Bill,
Are the very worst kind of activist types,
They promote “social justice” a code to instill
Marxist programs of various stripes.
Our media haven’t discussed this at all,
But Brooks Bayne, some think, has plenty of guts
To expose this Jewish-Marxist cabal,
But more likely it's true that he’s simply a putz.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Life in Arizona

I’ll be taking a break for a couple of weeks, but while I’m gone, here are some of Doggerelo’s greatest hits, in case you missed them first time around. 

Friday, March 16, 2012

The Judiciary Committee of the Arizona State Legislature endorsed a bill that “would permit employers to ask their employees for proof of medical prescription if they seek contraceptives for non-reproductive purposes, such as hormone control or acne treatment.” The author of the bill, Republican Debbie Resko, said, without a trace of irony, “I believe we live in America. We don’t live in the Soviet Union... So, government should not be telling the organizations or mom and pop employers to do something against their moral beliefs.” 

If you're taking the pill it's OK
For your boss to approach you one day
To prove and rebut
That you’re not a slut
And his moral misgivings allay. 

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Rush Limbaugh and the Axe

I’ll be taking a break for a couple of weeks, but while I’m gone, here are some of Doggerelo’s greatest hits, in case you missed them first time around. 

Friday, March 9, 2012

Fox News commentator Eric Bolling suggested that the whole Sandra Fluke/Rush Limbaugh controversy had been orchestrated by the White House.

George Frownley took a last drag on his Camel and tossed the butt into the gutter.  Axe would be waiting for him in the garage. An acid burble rose from his gut – he was always nervous when he had to meet Axe.  He needed a drink, but it was only 10:30 in the morning and Axe would definitely not approve.   He grimaced and crossed Michigan Avenue to the parking garage.   He spotted Axe’s car, a beat-up purple Prius, right where he said it would be, in space 203 on the Orange level.  He took out the keys Axe had sent him and drove down to the Blue level and parked close to the stairwell.  A guy with a cane, dark glasses and a straw Trilby hat limped over to the car.  George didn’t recognize him at first but the mustache was a giveaway – it was Axe, in a disguise George hadn’t seen before.

“Go down to the Red level,” barked Axe, “and park in space 557”. 

“Good work with Sandra”, he said after they had parked.

“Yeah, she was perfect for the part.”  George was impressed that she seemed so wholesome, although Axe had warned him that she was just a slut, a common prostitute.  “We had to go over her testimony several times, but after slipping a couple C-notes into her bra, she caught on. The whole set-up was beautiful, Axe.  How did you know they wouldn’t let her testify? And then the Pelosi thing – it was great.”

“Planning, George…nothing left to chance.”

“I listened to Rush that afternoon.  I couldn’t believe that he walked right into the trap.  He really outdid himself this time, calling her a slut, telling her to make tapes of herself having sex.  I was afraid it was just way too much and Romney and the rest would have to call him out for it.”

“Naah, I know these guys, George.  If they put all their balls together, they couldn’t make enough testosterone for a single hard-on.  They’re so scared of Rush that if he said ‘shit’ they’d fill up their pants in 30 seconds.  Romney with his ‘not language I would have used’ – Jeez, what a wuss!  So now we got ‘em – you know, if they can’t stand up to Rush Limbaugh, how’re they gonna do against Ahmadinejad.  We’re gonna tag them with that for the rest of the campaign.”

“Well, it was a great operation, Axe.  Congratulations.”

“You played your part well, George.  Sandra was completely believable. “  Axe took out an envelope and handed it to me. “This is for her.  She’s working at a porn shop over on Hubbard.”

“I’m still puzzled about Limbaugh, though.  He was so over the top.  It doesn’t make much sense.  And yet the whole operation hinged on him doin’ what he did.  How could you be sure he’d run off the cliff like that?”

“Like I said, George – leave nothing to chance.”

“Wait…I don’t understand.  You mean…?”

“Yep, Rush is our guy.  We’ve been grooming him for years.  He’ll do anything for Viagra.  Wait 'til you see what he’s gonna say about Hillary - but that won’t be ‘til the fall.”     

Monday, September 10, 2012

Sonnet for Sandra

I’ll be taking a break for a couple of weeks, but while I’m gone, here are some of Doggerelo’s greatest hits, in case you missed them first time around. 

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Sandra Fluke, a law student at Georgetown University, was not permitted to testify before Darrell Issa’s committee investigating government intrusion into religious freedom, an issue that has focused on the issue of insurance-provided birth control.  In her testimony, presented at a hearing called by Nancy Pelosi, she stated that the absence of free birth control would pose a financial hardship to female students. The right, in the form of Rush Limbaugh and Craig Bannister, responded by calling her a “sex-crazed coed” and “a slut…a prostitute”, among other epithets. These guys are a disgrace to whatever profession they claim to be representing.   

A female student of the law had asked
To testify to Issa’s group who sought
To bring out reasons why Obama ought
To change the regulations he had passed.

But to the student they said “Not so fast!
We want no women here.”  And so she brought
Her view that contraception costs a lot
To Ms. Pelosi’s meeting at long last.

The right wing pundits now respond with names
More fit for locker rooms than for debate.
They called her “sex-crazed”, “prostitute” and “slut”
They’re not a bit ashamed that this defames
A young and thoughtful woman. They create
Malignant hate with their destructive smut.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Don't Euthanize Me!

I’ll be taking a break for a couple of weeks, but while I’m gone, here are some of Doggerelo’s greatest hits, in case you missed them first time around. 

Monday, February 27, 2012

In the Netherlands, doctor-assisted euthanasia, if requested by the patient, was legalized in 2002.  Recently, Presidential candidate Rick Santorum made the following comments on this issue:

“They have voluntary euthanasia in the Netherlands, but half the people who are euthanized every year, and it’s 10 percent of all deaths, half of those people are euthanized involuntarily in hospitals, because they are older and sick…So elderly people in the Netherlands don’t go to the hospital. They go to another country. Because they’re afraid because of budget purposes they will not come out of that hospital if they go in with sickness.” Santorum also said some Dutch wear bracelets saying, “Don’t euthanize me.”

Each of these statements has been sharply disputed or shown to be false.

I may be old but I want to live
So Hans, don’t euthanize me.
To the world, I’ve still got things to give
So Hans, just let me be.

Don’t make me sleep and never awaken
Please Hans, don’t euthanize me.
I still want to smell that morning bacon
So Hans, just let me be.

You can see what I’ve got on my brace-
Let, Hans: “Don’t euthanize me”
I still want life’s gifts in my embrace
So Hans, just let me be.

When sick, I avoid a doctor that’s Dutch
Doc Hans, don’t euthanize me
Even sick, I enjoy life very much
So Hans, just let me be.

We Dutch need a leader like Rick to say:
Stop Hans, don’t euthanize us.
Let the old folks live for another day
So Hans, be magnanimous.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Candidate Limericks

I’ll be taking a break for a couple of weeks, but while I’m gone, here are some of Doggerelo’s greatest hits, in case you missed them first time around. 

Monday, February 20, 2012

You gotta feel sorry for Mitt
Acting natural’s just not his bit
It’s a clever disguise,
Being one of the guys,
But for this skit he’s simply unfit.

Religion’s a big thing for Rick
He lays it on pretty thick.
But it really does seem
That he’s way too extreme,
He’s a Catholic maverick.

Whatever happened to Newt?
His silence is becoming acute.
He’s under some stress,
‘Cause his campaign is a mess,
But it’s not like Newt to be mute.

And then there’s good old Ron Paul
The students he holds in his thrall
He’s all for sound money
But it wouldn’t be funny -
The gold standard would impoverish us all. 

Friday, September 7, 2012

Blues for Mr. Romney

I’ll be taking a break for a couple of weeks, but while I’m gone, here are some of Doggerelo’s greatest hits, in case you missed them first time around. 

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Woke up this mornin’, thinkin’ I was still ahead
Well, I woke up this mornin’, thinkin’ I was still ahead
But Rick snuck up on me, so I just went back to bed.

The polls, they must be lyin’, ‘cause I know it can’t be true
The polls they must be lyin’, ‘cause I know it just ain’t true
I been spendin’ lots of money, I’m doin’ all that I can do.

They think that Rick Santorum’s more conservative than me
Yeah, they think that Rick Santorum’s more conservative than me
But he’s a Washington insider, and that’s all he’ll ever be.

At first it was Rick Perry, who ran in front of me
The first was Gov’nor Perry, who ran in front of me
But he fumbled the debates, ‘cause he couldn’t count to three.

And then came Herman Cain, who rose up to go ahead
Oh yeah, that Herman Cain, somehow he got ahead
But then his wife found out that other women shared his bed.

At then it was Newt Gingrich, but he’s just a loud buffoon
Yeah, next it was Newt Gingrich, but he’s a grandiose buffoon
He should take his wife Callista, and go flyin’ to the moon!

I’ve worked the private sector, and I really did OK
Well, I’ve worked the private sector, and I really did OK
I got rid of lots of workers, ’cause they were standin’ in my way.

I don’t care about the poor folks, ‘cause they got a safety net
No, don’t care about them poor folks, they’ve got their safety net
I’ll help people in the middle, ‘cause they’ll vote for me I’ll bet.

I’m ain’t no lefty librul, no matter what they say
I’m not a mod’rate either, no matter what they say
I’m severely conservative and I’ll prob’ly stay that way.

Now I’m a Michigander, it’s really my home state
Yeah, I’m a Michigander, I really love that state
But I said “Let Detroit go bankrupt" and that might seal my fate. 

Thursday, September 6, 2012

America the Bountiful

I’ll be taking a break for a couple of weeks, but while I’m gone, here are some of Doggerelo’s greatest hits, in case you missed them first time around. 

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Mitt Romney has taken to reciting verses from America the Beautiful at his rallies.  Here are some additional verses he might consider. 

O beautiful and bounteous land
For us, the one percent -
We use our vast connections to
Our wealth and pow’r augment
America!  America!
May God our gold refine
Till our success be nobleness
And every gain devine.

O beautiful free enterprise
That’s let us do so well.
Obama’d change it all into
A socialistic hell.
America! America!
God save us from his schemes.
Grant us support that we may thwart
His plan to end our dreams.

O beautiful for SuperPACS
That lets us fill the air
With ads so full of vitriol
Our foes are in despair.
America! America!
The system works for us
The Court Supreme is on our team
It’s so harmonious!

O beautiful for Senators
Who block Obama’s bills
For filibusters and delays  
That let us work our wills.
America! America!
No tax increase we pay
The wealth we reap is ours to keep
We’re richer ev’ry day.

O beautiful for lobbyists
Who push our corporate goals
They collar certain Congressmen
And buy their sorry souls
America!  America!
Our lobbyists won't fail
To get our cause writ into laws
'Cause Congress is for sale.

O beautiful our prospects are
In this election year
Obama's very vulnerable
Unless more jobs appear
America!  America!
God grant that we may see
A heaven-sent new President
I pray it will be me!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Newt Shoots for the Moon

Newt Gingrich on Wednesday elaborated on his plan to put an American colony on the moon. He stated that when the colony’s population exceeded 13,000, they could petition to become the 51st state. 


Moon:  Houston, we have a problem.

Houston:  What’s up, Doc?

Moon:  Some people up here are sending around petitions to become a state. They’re pretty worked up about it – some have even threatened to go on strike if the statehood thing doesn’t fly.

Houston.  Christ! It’s all due to agitation by that fat Gingrich!  Ever since he stepped down as President to be the Moon Governor, he’s been pressing for this.  All the guy cares about now is the moon colony – he wants it renamed Newtonia, for Chrissake!  Jesus, what a nut case!

Moon:   Yeah, but you’d better watch your language.  You know how President Santorum feels about that kind of talk.

Houston:   Jesus, you’re right! Oops, there I go again… Well, what are we going to do about this? If the colony becomes a state, they’ll be wanting all kinds of things.  They’ve been complaining for years that Congress controls all their affairs and that nobody gives a sh.., nobody cares about what they think.  You wait and see, they’ll want to hold a Presidential primary next.  It’s just crazy.

Moon:  Houston, you’re missing the point.  This talk about a strike is really dangerous.  You know how they screened the colonists for any hint of pro-union sympathies – the folks at WalMart really helped us out there – and yet here they are talking about a strike!

Houston:  How did this happen?

Moon:  Law of unintended consequences.  Gingrich started talking to the colonists about statehood empowering them…but once you start that kind of loose talk, and they start thinking about power…well, you know the rest.  The statehood thing’s just a Trojan horse – this talk of strikes will lead to demands to improve working conditions and then the whole place is likely to blow up!

Houston:  Well, what are we going to do about it?

Moon:  First thing is to get rid of Gingrich.  Bring him back down to earth – and I mean that literally.  As long as he’s up here, gettin’ folks riled up about statehood and stuff, he jeopardizes the whole mineral extraction business. He thinks the whole moon’s his baby but he doesn’t realize that he’s just a figurehead.  Anyway, we’ll have to get Gingrich fired.

Houston:  OK, I’ll talk to Donald Trump.   Ha, Ha…just a joke.  Seriously though, we’ll put in a conference call to the President and update him on the situation here. 

Moon:  No, No – this is too big for that.  Besides, Santorum owes Gingrich big time for stepping down and letting him become President – he’ll never cross him.   We’ll have to go over his head.

Houston:  Over the President’s head?!  You mean…..?

Moon:  Yep…We’ll have to talk to the Koch brothers!