The poet William Stafford set himself the task of writing a poem a day. When someone asked him what he would do when his poem-of-the-day wasn't very good, he replied "I simply lower my standards." In order to increase output, the bar here is set at a low level - the point of this is to have some fun with current events and politics. I welcome contributions and comments. Now you can also follow Doggerelo on Twitter (@doggerelo). Because of continuing medical problems, I'm no longer able to post a poem-a-day. I'll continue to post poems, but at a reduced frequency, so please stay tuned.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

The Primary Results Are In

Mitt Romney won the race last night
But Michigan was close
He won by only three percent,
In horse-talk, by a nose.
Mitt’s a little disappointed,
He had expected to do better.
Santorum’s glad he did so well -
He’ll take his best vest sweater
And angry message to Ohio
Where the lead he might retake.
Super Tuesday’s just next week,
Many delegates at stake.
Mitt’s rumbling death-star Super Pac
Will strafe the ground with TV ads.
Rick tells his workers to resent
Elitist college grads.
Newt is in the mix as well.
Do you remember him?
Unless he wins big-time in Georgia
His outlook’s mighty grim.
And then there’s good old Dr. Paul
Who’s teaming up with Mitt.
One wonders if his IOU’s
In Tampa he’ll submit.

Santorum on Global Warning

Rick Santorum has harsh, conspiratorial and generally way-out views of the global warming debate, as detailed here.

There’s no such thing, says Rick
Average global temperature (red) and
atmospheric carbon dioxide (blue)
for the last millennium
To him it’s just a hoax
It’s the left wing’s latest trick
To fool the common folks.

He doesn’t care to know
The scientific facts:
As greenhouse gases grow
The temperature reacts,

And polar ice caps melt
While oceans start to rise,
The land on which we dwelt
Will be underwaterized.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Suicidal Santorum

Rick doesn’t have to say the things he says.
His views on contraception, sex and gays,
Education, Satan, Church, and snobs -
It’s like he’s leading torch and pitchfork mobs
To purge society of liberal thought.
The economy is where Santorum ought
To find support, not this social crap.
But Rick is caught up in a steely trap
Of his own making, stirring up his base
But scaring off the general populace.
Although Rick acts as if he thinks that Jesus
Wins elections, his fiery words don’t please us
Very much and frighten moderates,
The group of voters that preponderates.

Rick Calls President a Snob

Rick Santorum took President Obama to task for expressing the hope that everyone could attend college.  Calling the President a “snob”, he said that real reason Obama wants students to attend college is to “remake [them] in his image”, through indoctrination by liberal college professors.

Santorum says. “Oh, what a snob!”
It was quite a hatchet job.
Obama’s crime? – He’d like to see
Everyone an enrollee
In college.  Rick says that would lead
To fostering the liberal creed,
Chaining students slavishly
To left-wing ideology.

Rick seems greatly out of touch
With today’s economy and much
Of what most people really need
To get ahead. Most folks concede
That education yields the keys
to better jobs and salaries. 


Monday, February 27, 2012

Romney vs Obama Speeches

Images from

Mitt’s speech on Friday was a bust
The lack of bodies much discussed -
There’re lots of empty chairs in there.
Perhaps it’s just a bit unfair
To compare the crowd Obama drew
Four years ago with just the few
Of those who showed up to hear Mitt -
It doesn’t flatter Mitt a bit.
And adding to his bad news day
It wasn’t great for him to say
In trying to make amusing cracks,
Ann Romney drives two Cadillacs!

Don't Euthanize Me!

In the Netherlands, doctor-assisted euthanasia, if requested by the patient, was legalized in 2002.  Recently, Presidential candidate Rick Santorum made the following comments on this issue:

“They have voluntary euthanasia in the Netherlands, but half the people who are euthanized every year, and it’s 10 percent of all deaths, half of those people are euthanized involuntarily in hospitals, because they are older and sick…So elderly people in the Netherlands don’t go to the hospital. They go to another country. Because they’re afraid because of budget purposes they will not come out of that hospital if they go in with sickness.” Santorum also said some Dutch wear bracelets saying, “Don’t euthanize me.”

Each of these statements has been sharply disputed or shown to be false.

I may be old but I want to live
So Hans, don’t euthanize me.
To the world, I’ve still got things to give
So Hans, just let me be.

Don’t make me sleep and never awaken
Please Hans, don’t euthanize me.
I still want to smell that morning bacon
So Hans, just let me be.

You can see what I’ve got on my brace-
Let, Hans: “Don’t euthanize me”
I still want life’s gifts in my embrace
So Hans, just let me be.

When sick, I avoid a doctor that’s Dutch
Doc Hans, don’t euthanize me
Even sick, I enjoy life very much
So Hans, just let me be.

We Dutch need a leader like Rick to say:
Stop Hans, don’t euthanize us.
Let the old folks live for another day
So Hans, be magnanimous.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Rick's Vision of America

Last night Rick Santorum, speaking to a group of about 200 people, gave a unrelievedly grim picture of the current state of the country.

Rick’s vision of this country’s real bleak
He’s really a downer with his critique
But cut him some slack
He’s been under attack
His pique followed a really bad week

Newt Roils Afghan Waters

Newt Gingrich said Obama “surrendered” when he apologized to Hamid Karzai, the Afghan leader, for mistakenly burning copies of the Koran that had been given to Taliban prisoners in Afghanistan.  The ensuing violence has already led to the deaths of two American soldiers. Gingrich said Obama "is consistently apologizing to people who do not deserve the apology of the president of the United States, period."   Juan Cole suggests that Gingrich’s statements might exacerbate tensions in the region and lead to a further endangerment of US troops. 

Newt just can’t understand
Why Obama would offer his hand
And apologize
To Hamid Karzai’s
People for burning Korans.
It was just a mistake, but the Afghans
Are very upset
And would be a big threat
To all of our troops over there.
So it’d help if we would declare
How sorry we were
That this could occur.

But Newt saw a wonderful chance
To go on TV and enhance
An image of strength,
No matter what length
He must go in his ignorance.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Tag Team Match


We’ve got a GREAT bill for you tonight!  We’ve got the team of Mitt “the Rock” Romney and Consistent Paul, the baddest assess on the Primania Circuit – I mean these guys are baaaaaad!  Across the ring there’s Rick “The Cardinal” Santorum – he seems to be alone tonight but the Cardinal told us before the match he’s got somebody named J.C. in his corner.  Never heard of him and it looks like he didn’t show up, cause Rick’s out there alone.  Does he really think he can take both the Rock and Consistent by himself???  Well, it ought to be quite a match, but I don’t hold out much hope for the Cardinal.

The Rock is coming off his HUGE win against Flabby Newt in Florida.  That was a GAME CHANNNNGGGERRR, folks.  Flabby’s still licking his wounds, although he’s here in the audience, tying to look aloof, right behind the Cardinal’s corner. 

And Consistent looks really tough tonight – there’s no love lost between him and The Cardinal, believe me –  Consistent keeps saying the Cardinal’s a FAKE.  The Cardinal don’t take that kind of disrespect from anyone, so expect to see some fireworks when those two tangle!

The Cardinal’s got his work cut out for him, but he says he’s not worried.  He CRUSHED the Rock in their three latest meetings and he has a HUGE fan base here tonight – they want red meat, and the Cardinal’s gonna give it to them.

 Here we go…hold on to your seats, folks.

Much later……

Well, the Cardinal was pretty well pummeled tonight.  He sure coulda used his partner J.C., but he was a no-show and so he had to battle both the Rock and Consistent by himself.  He looked mighty lonely out there in the ring, but ya gotta admit, he got a few good knocks in before the Rock surprised him by coming at him with a head chop from the right – the Cardinal didn’t expect that and he looked kinda dazed, and  that was all she wrote for the rest of the night. The then Consistent started taunting him to his face, calling him a Fake, over and over. You don’t say that to a pro wrestler if you want to keep your head, but the Cardinal couldn’t respond.   It wasn’t pretty, especially when the Cardinal admitted that some of the stuff he did was a fake, somethin’ about takin’ one for the team.  What the HELL was he talkin’ about??  The fans actually started booing the Cardinal at one point. 

Well, that’s it from ringside for tonight!  Remember, next week’s the big elimination bout in Michigan and these guys will be at it again.  We can only hope that the Cardinal recovers from his beating tonight and can make it a contest next week.  As usual, we’ll be reporting from ringside.  Until then…GET READY TO RUUUUMMMMBBBBLLLLLL!!! 

Sis, Boom, Bomb! Rah, Rah, Rah!

Many rational voices, both here and in Israel, are expressing alarm over the increasingly likely possibility that Israel might launch a preemptive attack on Iran’s nuclear facilities.   In contrast, many Republicans, including the Republican presidential candidates (with the exception of Ron Paul) have voiced enthusiasm for military action against Iran.

The hawks are out in force -
Let’s bomb Iran, they shout.
These same folks, of course,
Had said it’d be a blow-out
If we started to attack
Saddam Hussein’s Iraq.
You’d think they might have learned,
But no, that’s not the case.
They’re simply not concerned
Their faith in war might be misplaced.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Santorum's Slump

Rick was out of sorts last night
He lost his nerve, he lost his bite,
He didn’t mention jobs at all,
He seemed a bit uptight and small.
He said he voted for de corps esprit
Although his heart did not agree.
It seems like this may be the start
Of a tendency to fall apart
Like all the old not-Romney types
Who’ve not lived up to their own hypes.
The polls in Michigan now show
That Romney’s catching up, although
Santorum thinks that he’ll still win
That confidence just might be spin.
Once celebrated coast-to-coast,
Right now he’s looking more like toast.

Where's Newt?

Newt Gingrich has just disappeared
He’s no longer very much feared.
His fortunes have guttered,
His campaigning has sputtered,
His behavior is totally weird.

On the South he’s counting a lot
It’s for him the very best spot
Though he’s full of hot air
He comes from down there -
It’s the one place he’s still really hot.

The Georgians regard Newt with affection
So he thinks that in Georgia’s election
He’ll come up with a win
And he’ll give it the spin
That this is his third resurrection.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Rick's Mouth Trouble

Rick Santorum has found himself needing to explain his remarks about Obama's "phony theology", his use of a Hitler analogy to encourage activism against Obama's policies, his opposition to prenatal screening, his remarks on the roles of state and federal governments in education, and much more. 

Rick’s mouth has made many mistakes this last week
He seems to be always explaining
What he said wasn’t really what some people think
And then he starts with complaining
That the media aren’t treating him fairly at all
He says that they’re being demeaning.
But when you’re in front, Rick, and shoot from the hip
Your mouth must be sure of its meaning. 

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Just Cut It Out!

GOP State Representative Lynne Blakenbeker of New Hampshire suggested that married couples could be abstinent (or use condoms) if they couldn’t afford other methods of birth control.  Responding to a comment about the effectiveness of these methods, she stated that “Abstinence works 100% of the time.”

Let them be abstinent!
I’m really confident
This method works,
And one of its perks,
If babies are your intent,
You can stop being abstinent.

News From the War Against Women

As Dahlia Lithwick, writing in Slate, observes: This week, the Virginia state Legislature passed a bill that would require women to have an ultrasound before they may have an abortion. Because the great majority of abortions occur during the first 12 weeks, that means most women will be forced to have a transvaginal procedure, in which a probe is inserted into the vagina, and then moved around until an ultrasound image is produced.

A woman who wants an abortion
Will be punished for thinking such thoughts.
It’s a new form of right-wing extortion
That carries quite personal costs.

For most of the women involved
A vaginal probe there must be
To get the sound image resolved.
The lawmakers even agree

There’s no medical need for this law.
The aim of this shameful abuse
Is simply to stop or forestall
A woman’s freedom to choose.

The right’s against all intrusions
Into freedoms that governments take,
But they come to quite different conclusions
When it’s a woman whose rights are at stake.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Candidate Limericks

You gotta feel sorry for Mitt
Acting natural’s just not his bit
It’s a clever disguise,
Being one of the guys,
But for this skit he’s simply unfit.

Religion’s a big thing for Rick
He lays it on pretty thick.
But it really does seem
That he’s way too extreme,
He’s a Catholic maverick.

Whatever happened to Newt?
His silence is becoming acute.
He’s under some stress,
‘Cause his campaign is a mess,
But it’s not like Newt to be mute.

And then there’s good old Ron Paul
The students he holds in his thrall
He’s all for sound money
But it wouldn’t be funny -
The gold standard would impoverish us all. 

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Be Careful What You Wish For...

Folks at the Daily Kos have recommended that Democrats vote in open primaries for Rick Santorum in order to keep the Republican primary circus going as long as possible.  This is a dangerous game, because if Rick Santorum actually won the nomination, there would be a real chance that he could be elected President if the nation's fortunes took a turn for the worse between now and election day (think European economic collapse, or bombing Iran).  President Santorum?? That should concentrate people's minds.  

Some Democrats want Rick to be
The GOP’s choice for nominee.
His positions in the past,
On gays, religion, women, war -
There’s right-wing craziness galore -
Will offer such a sharp contrast
To Obama’s solid, grounded view
That independents will come through
And vote the Democratic way
So that we’d win election day.

You should take care for what you wish
Because events can turn nightmarish -
Like Israel could bomb Iran
Or Europe’s euro could collapse -
For this Obama would perhaps
Be blamed and therefore, rather than
Obama’s hoped-for re-election,
The people’d vote for his rejection.

When world events cause stress and strain
Don’t you think it’d be insane
To have a man like Rick Santorum
Be our nation’s president?
I’m really much more confident
In Mitt.  And though I do deplore ‘em
Both, if I were forced to pick,
Mitt’s a lesser evil than is Rick.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Faulty Family Photo

In a new ad released in Michigan, Mitt Romney fondly remembers going to the Detroit auto show with his dad.  The ad displays a picture of him and his dad, purportedly at the auto show, but it was actually taken at the New York World’s Fair, apparently from the helipad. 

I remember well the auto show.
I went there with my dad
When I was just a lad.
The show was in Detroit, I hope you know.

And here’s a picture that shows me and Dad
We’re looking at a car
Kind of from afar
In suits and ties the both of us were clad.

I’ve just been told this photo doesn’t work.
The picture that you see
Was not Detroit…Oh gee,
It was taken in the city of New York!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

The Vulgarity Prize Goes To...

In an astonishing interview with Andrea Mitchell on MSNBC this afternoon, Foster Friess, the director of the Super PAC associated with Rick Santorum, said “…back in my days we used Bayer aspirin for contraception, the gals put it between their knees and it wasn't that costly.”  Ms. Mitchell was temporarily rendered speechless at this sally.

Ms. Mitchell questioned Foster Friess
If Rick Santorum caused unease
With views of his on contraception.
And Foster said that his perception
Was that an aspirin worked with ease
If gals would squeeze it ‘tween their knees.

Blues for Mr. Romney

Woke up this mornin’, thinkin’ I was still ahead
Well, I woke up this mornin’, thinkin’ I was still ahead
But Rick snuck up on me, so I just went back to bed.

The polls, they must be lyin’, ‘cause I know it can’t be true
The polls they must be lyin’, ‘cause I know it just ain’t true
I been spendin’ lots of money, I’m doin’ all that I can do.

They think that Rick Santorum’s more conservative than me
Yeah, they think that Rick Santorum’s more conservative than me
But he’s a Washington insider, and that’s all he’ll ever be.

At first it was Rick Perry, who ran in front of me
The first was Gov’nor Perry, who ran in front of me
But he fumbled the debates, ‘cause he couldn’t count to three.

And then came Herman Cain, who rose up to go ahead
Oh yeah, that Herman Cain, somehow he got ahead
But then his wife found out that other women shared his bed.

At then it was Newt Gingrich, but he’s just a loud buffoon
Yeah, next it was Newt Gingrich, but he’s a grandiose buffoon
He should take his wife Callista, and go flyin’ to the moon!

I’ve worked the private sector, and I really did OK
Well, I’ve worked the private sector, and I really did OK
I got rid of lots of workers, ’cause they were standin’ in my way.

I don’t care about the poor folks, ‘cause they got a safety net
No, don’t care about them poor folks, they’ve got their safety net
I’ll help people in the middle, ‘cause they’ll vote for me I’ll bet.

I’m ain’t no lefty librul, no matter what they say
I’m not a mod’rate either, no matter what they say
I’m severely conservative and I’ll prob’ly stay that way.

Now I’m a Michigander, it’s really my home state
Yeah, I’m a Michigander, I really love that state
But I said “Let Detroit go bankrupt" and that might seal my fate. 

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Culture Warrior

The culture wars are back
And Santorum is on track

To strengthen our society
By cleaving to propriety.

The church provides the way
To keep misdeeds at bay.

With the Bible as your guide
Temptations are denied.

And go to church on Sunday –
You’ll be comforted that one day

You will in heaven dwell
While others burn in Hell.


Rick holds these truths to be
Our culture’s moral key.

Us liberals he attacks
As morally too lax.

He’s our Christian ayatollah
Our new Savonarola,

He’s self-righteous as Javert
And austere beyond compare.

He’ll lead a new crusade
To get rid of Roe v. Wade

And promulgate God's law
As the rule for one and all.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Sufferin' Santorum

You may have missed this quotation from Rick Santorum last fall, talking about how government programs like food stamps and housing assistance make children feel  like “they’re entitled to so much”: “Suffering, if you're a Christian, suffering is a part of life. And it's not a bad thing, it is an essential thing in life ... There are all different ways to suffer. One way to suffer is through lack of food and shelter and there's another way to suffer which is lack of dignity and hope…” 

Suffer the little children to suffer
It’s really good for them.
Suffering’s just a part of life
It’s not something to condemn.
So kids, if you’ve no food or shelter
And you think you won’t survive,
Just buck up and count your blessings,
Keep dignity and hope alive
And don’t take handouts from the liberals
It’s sure to make you feel
Entitled to a decent life
And that’s just not for real.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Ron Paul: You Won the Vote but I Have the Delegates

The Ron Paul campaign has a plan to ensure that Ron Paul delegates are elected to the convention, regardless of the voting results in non-binding causes in Iowa, Minnesota and Maine.  The Plan was discussed in detail by Ron Paul strategist Doug Wead in a recent Rachael Maddow show.  

Ron Paul’s supporters have a plan
To get more delegates than
His vote percentile would allow.
Don’t ask me to explain just how
This can be done but it’s clever
And it’s legal, using rules to lever-
Age votes for Ron Paul’s guys
as delegates. What a big surprise
awaits poor Rick and Mitt, who thought
they won but might end up with naught.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Church Teachings and the GOP

Juan Cole has published a list of 10 Catholic teachings that have been rejected by Rick Santorum, who is a strong supporter of the Church’s position on birth control.  The list includes Church opposition to the death penalty, the continued Israeli occupation of Palestinian territories, the treatment of illegal immigrants as criminals, and the Bush concept of preventive war.  The Catholic Bishops favor the provision of health care for all Americans, an increase in the minimum wage, the right of workers to organize and join unions, and the provision of welfare for needy families. 

The Catholic Bishops and the GOP
Have come together in unity
To fight insured free birth control.
But other issues, on the whole,
The Bishops call for aren’t upheld.
Republicans must feel compelled
To say that issues they’ve forsaken
Are those where Bishops are mistaken.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Mitt Wins CPAC Straw Poll!

Mitt Romney won the CPAC straw poll this afternoon with 38% of the vote, compared to 31% for Rick Santorum. 

Mitt needed a win badly
He’ll take 38% gladly
As long as it’s better than Rick,
Or anyone else they might pick. 

Friday, February 10, 2012

Obama and Birth Control

An intense controversy surrounds the Obama adminstration's ruling that insurance plans should cover the costs of birth control measures.  Exceptions have been granted to churches that oppose birth control but not to church-affiliated institutions like hospitals and universities that serve the general public. Twenty-six states have similar laws on the books already; this includes several states that grant no exceptions to religious organizations whatsoever.

The Church is exceedingly pissed
They say that they've really been dissed
The problem it seems
Are Obama’s new schemes
That on free contraceptives insist.

The Church holds a strong affirmation
That sex is for procreation
If you use the pill
Of your own free will
You’re risking eternal damnation.

Most Catholics don’t pay attention
To the Church’s sexual contention
They’re very receptive
To some contraceptive
Devices for preggers prevention.

Some states have already passed laws
That should give the Church leaders some pause:
For free contraception
There’s to be no exception
No matter what sin that might cause.

Republicans are on the attack
The airwaves are filled with their flak
"If we rant and rave,
Obama will cave
He'll be forced to take his rule back."

Obama,  please stick to your goal
Let all workers have paid birth control
Their health is at stake
So give them a break
‘Though in polls you might pay a toll.

Contraception’s by far the best way
To diminish abortions they say
You’d think all would see
That the best thing would be
To unwanted conceptions allay.

Thursday, February 9, 2012


There’s no safety in numbers
But still they fill the streets.
Banners flutter in the wind.
Allahu Akbar, many call,
And then the shells begin to fall.

Bones broken, missing
Eyes and balls, skin burned
By cigarettes, electric prods,
Rent by bullet holes,
The bodies of Thamer and Hamza,
Teenage friends,
Have been returned to their parents.

Rockets and mortars find the streets
Of Baba Amr, Khaldiyeh and Bayada,
Neighborhoods the rebels hold.
A family huddles in the cold,
No sleep again tonight.
The children ask if they will they die;
Their parents give a vague reply.
Death falls at random from the sky.

They bury their dead at night,
A little girl is wrapped in white
Discolored by a written claim:
Nuhal al Manal, her name.
They place her in the earth with others,
No  time for prayer – they cover her
And leave before snipers discover them.

Bashar al Assad, what is the question
For which this is the answer?

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The Results Are In

Last night’s results were big for Rick
He really pulled off quite a trick
The big trifecta he has won
Mitt Romney he’s again outdone -
In Missouri, he won 2-to-1.
Newt Gingrich’s looking pretty poor
He’s lost a lot of his allure
As best alternative to Mitt -
Rick’s now looking pretty fit.
Ron Paul for once beat Romney too -
In Minnesota he was number two.
Is Mitt downhearted?  No siree,
He’s got big bucks and so we’ll see
If he can buy his way to victory.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Newt's Tirade

Newt Gingrich appeared on the Hannity show the other night where he unleashed an intemperate tirade against Obama, accusing the administration of pro-Islamist appeasement, among other things.

Newt once again was on Fox
It’s one of his regular spots
He says things so sleazy
They just make me queasy
But the wing-nuts on Fox like him lots.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Bombing Iran

Washington Post columnist David Ignatius reported that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Defense Minister Ehud Barak may be preparing for an attack on Iran’s nuclear facilities, perhaps as early as this spring. 

Netanyahu and Barak
Want to bomb Iran this year
Because they’ll make a nuke they fear
That soon no one can block.

If they unleash upon Iran
A devastating bomb attack
Iran will surely answer back
And Israeli towns will fire on.

Hamas and Hizbullah will send
Their many fighters out to kill
Israelis - pretty soon we’ll
Have a war no one can end.

But Netanyahu and Barak
Declare Iran is simply bluffing
And they’ll succeed in snuffing
Out the threat with their attack.


And meanwhile in our own country
There’s lots of folks who think it’s great
Iran will shortly meet its fate –
They’re largely in the GOP.

They’re mostly men who’ve never fought
before but still they think it's right
To send our sons abroad to fight
In wars that often come to naught.

They're pressuring the President
To buttress Israel's attack
With our own forces at their back
And make our strikes coincident.

Let's pray Obama will insist
That Netanyahu and Barak
Are on their own with this attack
And will persuade them to desist.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

The Love Song of W. Mitt Romney

Any similarity between this work and The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, by T.S. Eliot, is strictly intentional. 

      Let us go then, you and I,
While Newt Gingrich is lying down to cry
Like a patient etherized upon a table.
Let us go to one-night town hall meetings
On half-deserted streets
The muttering retreats
Of endless nights of our campaign,
Nights where once again
We follow our tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To ask the audience an overwhelming question.
Oh, do not ask “What is it?”
Let’s just go and make another visit.

    There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that I meet;
There will be time to fix my hair,
[They will say:  “How his hair’s beyond compare.”]
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and throw a question on my plate;                        
And time yet for a hundred indecisions
And for a hundred visions and revisions
Before the interview that’s on TV.
There is time for a minute that slips and stops
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.
For I have measured out my life with flips and flops.

    And I have known the eyes already, known them all –
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned against the wall,
Then how should I begin
To have the strength to force the moment to its crisis
To have bitten off the matter with a smile
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To say “I am Mitt, come back from dread
And I will tell you all, I shall tell you all!”

     And would it have been worth it after all,
Would it have been worthwhile
After eyebrows raised and clearings of the throat
After silent pauses that say your cause is lost,
And this, and so much more?
But it’s impossible to say just what I mean!
Would it have been worthwhile if they,
Rising from the table and putting on their coats
And turning toward the door, should say
    “That is not it at all,
     You are not conservative at all.”

No! I am not Newt Gingrich, nor was meant to be.
I was born by temperament
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse.

But I wear expensive trousers,
And I have seen the moment of my greatness glow
For I have worked within the private sector
And done quite well there as you know.
I shall wear Bermuda shorts and walk upon the beach,
The beach below my house in beautiful La Jolla.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do believe they also sing to me.

As I linger by the chambers of the sea
I hear the people calling me
The people of this wondrous land
I wait for them to take my hand. 

Saturday, February 4, 2012

The Trump Endorsement

The Donald said last month that he might run
As independent to be president.
But no, not really - that was just for fun.
Instead he’d like to make it evident

Who he’d prefer to be the nominee.
Newt Gingrich thought that he’d be recommended
But Donald said that it was not to be.
I’ll go for Mitt, he said, his hair is splendid!

Friday, February 3, 2012

The Jobs Report

The newest jobs report came out today
240,000 jobs they say
We're glad to see such great recovery,
All except, perhaps, the GOP

Mitt Romney and the Poor

Mitt Romney said in a CNN interview that he was "not concerned about the very poor" because "we have a safety net to help [them]".  His campaign, he said, was "focused on middle-income Americans".  

I’m not concerned about the very poor.
‘Cause we have programs that take care of them,
Although these are the programs we deplore
And often speak up loudly to condemn.

But if the safety net is rent with holes,
Then I will fix them – but I must focus more
Upon the middle class, who’d go to polls
And vote for me, unlike the very poor.

Mid-income folks are in a lot of pain
But I’ll restore things like they were before
Obama and his socialistic reign –
I have no time to worry ‘bout the poor.

Republicans support free enterprise
And foster a salubrious rapport
With businessmen – our natural allies;
We don’t concern ourselves about the poor.

There’s lots of folks that said I made a gaffe,
But I must say it loud and clear once more
I’m working on the middle class’ behalf
I’ll let Obama care about the poor. 

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Manchurian Muppets

Eric Bolling, a moderator at Fox Business News, took the Muppets to task in December for depicting a Texas oilman as a greedy villain in their latest movie.  "Is liberal Hollywood using class warfare to brainwash our kids?" he asked.  At a recent press conference in London, the Muppets struck back. 

Miss Piggy, Kermit and the rest
May look real cute but they’re possessed
By plans our kids to hypnotize
And fill their minds with left-wing lies.
The villain in their newest flick -
A rich oil man that they depict
As someone evil, someone bent,
Someone from hellish regions sent.
Why do they always show the rich
As wicked?  Why not make kids glad
To see a man succeed?  It’s mad
To castigate success that way –
Our kids are being led astray.
So go away, you hateful muppets,
Don’t try to make our kids your puppets.
Take Marx and Engles with you too
Your propaganda mission's through.
We despise you left-wing kinds
Who try to poison children’s minds.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

The Florida Results

Last night the winner was Mitt
He beat out of Newt the shit
But Newt said today
“I’m not going away
I’ll be damned if I’m going to quit!”

Newt says “We’ve been lied to by Mitt
All his claims are a big crock of shit.
He’s on top for today
But I’ll find a way
I’m committed to making Mitt quit”.

The pathway ahead’s clear for Mitt
He’s got the momentum to finish it.
‘Gainst Newt every day
Mitt will hammer away
He’ll never ease up, he won’t quit.

Winston Gingrich

Most commentators agree that Newt Gingrich will continue his campaign, regardless of the outcome in Florida.  Some have drawn parallels to Churchill's period "in the wilderness" during the '30s.  

He won’t be slowed down by defeat
He’ll soldier on alone
He’ll raise his voice and wave his hands
And Romney’s lies bemoan.

He’ll rage against Mitt’s Super Pacs
Like Lear upon the heath
But he must raise more money soon
Or he will come to grief.

Th’establishment’s come out for Mitt
They look at Newt with fear
They’re worried that as nominee
He’d screw them up this year.

But Newt’s a good historian -
A figure crossed his mind
It’s Churchill in the wilderness -
He was equally maligned.

Winston was erratic too
They thought he was unstable
But when the crisis fully dawned
He proved profoundly able.

So Newt has faith in history
His moment he’ll await:
He’ll save the nation from collapse
Like Churchill – it’s his fate.