Carry Couture

Several companies are now producing clothing lines specially designed for carrying concealed guns, the New York Times reported today. 

O Jeffrey – this is what you’re wearing?!  Are you going out bowling or coming with me to Bruce’s garden party?  Honestly, you look like a little Nazi in that outfit.  No, it’s not because you’re carrying a gun, it’s because everyone can see you’re carrying a gun.  I ask you, what’s the point of carrying a concealed weapon if it’s not concealed?!  Look at that bulge in your jacket – it is soooo 2011.  You might as well have a holster strapped to your hip, like a security guard – is THAT what you want to look like, a security guard??  You’re really a sartorial disaster, you know that?!  Yes, I know I’ve told you many times before, but do you listen? No – are you listening to me now?  No!  HELLLO, JEFFREY!? I bought you some very nice things last week, and you haven’t worn them once.  Go get out of that ridiculous jump suit and put on those Woolrich Concealed Carry chinos I got you along with the twill jacket with the large reinforced pockets– they’re hanging in your closet gathering dust and just once, just ONCE, I’d like to see you wearing them. 

There, that’s better.  And are you carrying?  The 9 mm?  That’s great, you can hardly tell… That’s really a very nice jacket…Did you know that it also has accessory tunnel plastic restraints that could provide routing for electric wires?  Well, I’m sure I don’t KNOW why, Jeffrey, but there must be some reason for it or they wouldn’t make it part of the jacket – these things are very carefully thought out by homosexual designers, you know; they don’t load these jackets up with unnecessary stuff.  Do you ever read the Soldier of Fortune magazine I signed you up for at Christmas? No, I thought not.  You can probably find out about the wires in there somewhere. 

OK, are you ready to go now?  You really look very nice, Jeffrey – I do wish you enjoyed being stylish.  I feel so well protected when you’re dressed like that.  Well, I don’t suppose we'll be shooting anyone at Bruce’s party, but you never know.  Perhaps we’ll be lucky and get mugged on the way over there.  You know, the Stand Your Ground law has made life so much more interesting than it used to be.