GOP Leader Prays for Obama's Death?

The Republican Speaker of the House in Kansas, Mike O'Neal, sent a message to fellow Republicans which appeared to be asking them to pray for the death of President Obama.  He later apologized, saying that his message was “only intended as election commentary regarding the president's days in office”.  This followed an earlier controversy, and apology, over his having called Mrs. Obama “Mrs. YoMama”.  Why is this guy still holding public office??

I sent a little memo out

To friends within the GOP.

It was a little prayer I thought

They’d really like to see.

It’s a Psalm that’s from the Bible

And so I thought it safe.

But people can be really sensitive -

My message made them chafe.

It said about the President

“Let his days be few

And let another take his office”.

But now I'm really in a stew

Because I didn’t read the rest

Of what the psalm went on to say:

“Let his children be fatherless

And his wife a widow”.  Hey,

My prayer was ‘bout the next election -

I only asked my friends to pray

For his electoral rejection.

I never really meant to wish

That President Obama die.

My prayer’s been awfully misconstrued

And no one's sorrier than I.

So please accept my deep regret

And this apology of mine

But don’t expect me to do more -

So no, I won’t resign. 

Oh, and one more thing –

I must declare to Ms. Obama

How really, really sorry I am

For calling her “Ms. YoMama”

The Cain Endorsement

Herman saw fit to endorse

His old friend Newt Gingrich of course.

He thinks Newt can win

Though he’s not without sin

And a penchant his wives to divorce.

Sarah Supports Newt

Sarah Palin has expressed dismay at the Republican establishment’s vigorous attacks on Newt Gingrich, calling them “Stalin-esque”.

Now Sarah has lent her support to old Newt:

The establishment’s starting to act like a brute

They’re saying that Newt is erratic, unstable -

To win the election he’s simply not able.

But Sarah herself has shown fang and talon

Newt’s critics, she said, are a bit like Joe Stalin

The Debate Last Night

Mitt was stunningly aggressive,

He was really on a tear

He’s got a new debate coach -

Mitt’s attacks he helped prepare.

Newt had lots at stake last night

Of that he was aware

But he was strangely passive

Like he didn’t really care.

Santorum came on like gang-busters

He savaged Romneycare

He nailed the best lines of the night

He had the fieriest spirit there.

Ron Paul corralled the students’ vote

Their cheers flew through the air

He talked of money backed by gold

And wars he’d un-declare.

The game was changed again last night -

Newt’s campaign is losing air

And Mitt’s once more the smartest bet

To win the whole affair.

Newt Shoots for the Moon

Newt Gingrich on Wednesday elaborated on his plan to put an American colony on the moon.  He stated that when the colony’s population exceeded 13,000, they could petition to become the 51^st state. 

Adapted from NASA images

Moon:  Houston, we have a problem.

Houston:  What’s up, Doc?

Moon:  Some people up here are sending around petitions to become a state. They’re pretty worked up about it – some have even threatened to go on strike if the statehood thing doesn’t fly.

Houston.  Christ! It’s all due to agitation by that fat Gingrich!  Ever since he stepped down as President to be the Moon Governor, he’s been pressing for this.  All the guy cares about now is the moon colony – he wants it renamed Newtonia, for Chrissake!  Jesus, what a nut case!

Moon:   Yeah, but you’d better watch your language.  You know how President Santorum feels about that kind of talk.

Houston:   Jesus, you’re right! Oops, there I go again… Well, what are we going to do about this? If the colony becomes a state, they’ll be wanting all kinds of things.  They’ve been complaining for years that Congress controls all their affairs and that nobody gives a sh.., nobody cares about what they think.  You wait and see, they’ll want to hold a Presidential primary next.  It’s just crazy.

Moon:  Houston, you’re missing the point.  This talk about a strike is really dangerous.  You know how they screened the colonists for any hint of pro-union sympathies – the folks at WalMart really helped us out there – and yet here they are talking about a strike!

Houston:  How did this happen?

Moon:  Law of unintended consequences.  Gingrich started talking to the colonists about statehood empowering them…but once you start that kind of loose talk, and they start thinking about power…well, you know the rest.  The statehood thing’s just a Trojan horse – this talk of strikes will lead to demands to improve working conditions and then the whole place is likely to blow up!

Houston:  Well, what are we going to do about it?

Moon:  First thing is to get rid of Gingrich.  Bring him back down to earth – and I mean that literally.  As long as he’s up here, gettin’ folks riled up about statehood and stuff, he jeopardizes the whole mineral extraction business. He thinks the whole moon’s his baby but he doesn’t realize that he’s just a figurehead.  Anyway, we’ll have to get Gingrich fired.

Houston:  OK, I’ll talk to Donald Trump.   Ha, Ha…just a joke.  Seriously though, we’ll put in a conference call to the President and update him on the situation here. 

Moon:  No, No – this is too big for that.  Besides, Santorum owes Gingrich big time for stepping down and letting him become President – he’ll never cross him.   We’ll have to go over his head.

Houston:  Over the President’s head?!  You mean…..?

Moon:  Yep…We’ll have to talk to the Koch brothers!

Rick Santorum is not John McCain

Rick Santorum was asked about President Obama by a woman who said that “legally, he is not [the President]”  and that he was an “avowed Muslim”.  Santorum responded to her question, but did not correct her or express disagreement with her statement.  When it was pointed out that John McCain, in a similar situation in 2008, had corrected the misinformation about Obama, Santorum replied "I am not John McCain and I've never been like John McCain and I'm not running as a candidate who's anything like John McCain." 

Santorum says "It’s not my job

To tell that lady she’s off base

I didn’t want to seem a snob

Or make her feel she’s out of place.

Obama’s not a Muslim, true,

And he’s our legal President

But if some folks don’t have a clue,

To correct them I’d be hesitant."

John McCain, in his campaign

When something similar occurred

Made his position very plain -

He’s not a Muslim, he demurred.

So Rick replied “I’m not McCain”.

Um…Rick? You can say that again. 

Mitt's Taxes

Mitt Romney said during the debate on Monday night that his tax rate was about 15%.  He added, "I pay all the taxes that are legally required and not a dollar more."

Although he makes a lot of dough

Mitt Romney’s tax rate’s kinda  low

It don’t seem right

But he’s too bright

To pay more than he owe.