Behave Yourself!

House Republicans are getting concerned that folks attending the Republican convention in Tampa this summer might exhibit inappropriate behavior. As former RNC Chairman Michael Steele pointed out,  “The Romney campaign is going to want a convention that is going to be much more reflective of his style.”  Needless to say, Romney’s “style” does not include late-night entertainment that involves excessive alcohol or well-proportioned females who remove their clothing to music. 

The convention to Tampa is coming -

Be careful where you hang around.

You don’t want to look like you’re slumming,

Your behavior could drag Romney down.

So bid sin so-long and farewell,

Be godly in all your pursuits.

Perhaps a cone at Carvel

Would not cause any disputes.

If you want to reflect Romney’s style

No coffee or beer can you drink,

Be friendly and offer a smile

But don’t let folks know what you think!

The Denial Committee

The Republican members of the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee are nearly all global warming deniers who think it’s all a conspiracy of one sort or another. They are holding hearings to provide an “update” on climate science – their report should provide interesting reading. 

Our Senate committee will see

What the climate on earth’s gonna be

We won’t entertain

Any data that’d strain

Our view of how things oughta be.

The climatologists say

The earth’s getting warmer each day

But it’s just a hoax

To scare common folks

Put out by our own EPA.

 

These scientists think they’re so smart

But we’re gonna take ‘em apart

We’ll give them all hell

and bid them farewell

as they take their charts and depart.

They’re saying it’s all CO₂

That’s putting the earth in a stew

But we just don’t buy it

We’ll always deny it

Oil and coal we’ll stick to.

Kermit, the Frog-fil-A

On his radio broadcast last week, a Christian pastor, Kevin Swanson, seemed to be waxing nostalgic for the time when homosexuality was a capital offense: “A Christian perspective ultimately brought the death penalty upon homosexuality between roughly 350 AD and roughly 1850 or so, for about 1,500 years that form of life had pretty much been eliminated except here and there, it was in the closet, but it was almost unheard of for over 1,000 years, until recently…”.  Because the Muppets have terminated their association with Chick-fil-A, owing to the CEO’s statements against gay marriage, Swanson accused the Muppets of “taking the sodomy route”.  He proposed dealing with Kermit by making him part of a “frog filet” sandwich, or, as his co-host suggested,  “I think Miss Piggy on a bun, that’s a better bet, the winner.”

The frog is promoting unnatural acts,

    He shouldn’t be talking that way.

We’ll cut off his head with a little axe

   And serve him at the buffet.

But folks say that frog is just not what they wish.

    Green meat is something they shun.

So we’ll serve them what’s surely their favorite dish

    Miss Piggy served hot on a bun.

Koch-Funded Study: Global Warming's Real and We're to Blame

A new statistical study of global temperatures by Richard A Muller, a UC Berkley physicist and one-time skeptic of global warming, was funded in part by the Charles G.Koch Charitable Foundation to the tune $150,000.  The Koch brothers were no doubt hoping that Muller would prove that human activity had nothing to do with global warming, which doesn’t exist anyway.  But – Surprise! - Muller’s study found that global warming does indeed exist and that the only plausible explanation for it is the increased CO₂ in the atmosphere resulting from human industrial activity.

A new study shows once again

Global warming’s been caused by men.

But here is the joke:

It was funded by Koch.

He must be heart-bro-ken.

Where's Winnie?

In a column last week, Charles Krauthammer echoed right wingers’ tiresome, old complaints that President Obama had removed a bust of Winston Churchill from the White House, no doubt a reflection of his Kenyan sensibilities. But, as this post shows, Winnie’s bust is still on prominent display at the White House.

Churchill’s bust’s been put away
At least that’s what right wingers say
I don’t know how this rumor grew
But I’m afraid it isn’t true;
Churchill’s head’s still on display
About nothing there’s been much ado.

Gore Vidal, RIP

Now Gore Vidal has passed away

His writing will be missed today

When cynicism’s criticality

Has been surpassed by actuality.

Not Ready for Prime Time...Part 2

Romney’s international trip, designed to be a stress-free introduction to international affairs, has been a diplomatic disaster.  In England, his criticisms of the London Olympics produced outraged responses in the British press;  even the British Prime Minister felt the need to chime in.  And in Israel, his remarks crediting “cultural differences” for the increased productivity of Israel vs the Palestinian territories managed to insult both Palestinians, for obvious reasons, but Jews as well for potentially reviving the “Jews are good with money” stereotype.  If will be fun to see what damage he can do on the next leg of his trip, his visit to Poland. 

democraticunderground.com

Mitt Romney’s trip has been a farce

He has fallen on his arse;

Every time he starts to speak

He causes someone to out-freak.

He criticized the British games -

The British pressmen called him names.

His “cultural” remarks did bruise

Both Palestinians and Jews.

And now he’s off to see the Poles

Let’s hope he’s put in mouth-controls.

Most commentators would agree

He’s dreadful at diplomacy.