The poet William Stafford set himself the task of writing a poem a day. When someone asked him what he would do when his poem-of-the-day wasn't very good, he replied "I simply lower my standards." In order to increase output, the bar here is set at a low level - the point of this is to have some fun with current events and politics. I welcome contributions and comments. Now you can also follow Doggerelo on Twitter (@doggerelo). Because of continuing medical problems, I'm no longer able to post a poem-a-day. I'll continue to post poems, but at a reduced frequency, so please stay tuned.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

GOP Leader Prays for Obama's Death?

The Republican Speaker of the House in Kansas, Mike O'Neal, sent a message to fellow Republicans which appeared to be asking them to pray for the death of President Obama.  He later apologized, saying that his message was “only intended as election commentary regarding the president's days in office”.  This followed an earlier controversy, and apology, over his having called Mrs. Obama “Mrs. YoMama”.  Why is this guy still holding public office??

I sent a little memo out
To friends within the GOP.
It was a little prayer I thought
They’d really like to see.
It’s a Psalm that’s from the Bible
And so I thought it safe.
But people can be really sensitive -
My message made them chafe.
It said about the President
“Let his days be few
And let another take his office”.
But now I'm really in a stew
Because I didn’t read the rest
Of what the psalm went on to say:
“Let his children be fatherless
And his wife a widow”.  Hey,
My prayer was ‘bout the next election -
I only asked my friends to pray
For his electoral rejection.
I never really meant to wish
That President Obama die.
My prayer’s been awfully misconstrued
And no one's sorrier than I.
So please accept my deep regret
And this apology of mine
But don’t expect me to do more -
So no, I won’t resign. 

Oh, and one more thing –
I must declare to Ms. Obama
How really, really sorry I am
For calling her “Ms. YoMama”

Monday, January 30, 2012

The Cain Endorsement

Herman saw fit to endorse
His old friend Newt Gingrich of course.
He thinks Newt can win
Though he’s not without sin
And a penchant his wives to divorce.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Sarah Supports Newt

Sarah Palin has expressed dismay at the Republican establishment’s vigorous attacks on Newt Gingrich, calling them “Stalin-esque”.

Now Sarah has lent her support to old Newt:
The establishment’s starting to act like a brute
They’re saying that Newt is erratic, unstable -
To win the election he’s simply not able.
But Sarah herself has shown fang and talon
Newt’s critics, she said, are a bit like Joe Stalin

Friday, January 27, 2012

The Debate Last Night

Mitt was stunningly aggressive,
He was really on a tear
He’s got a new debate coach -
Mitt’s attacks he helped prepare.

Newt had lots at stake last night
Of that he was aware
But he was strangely passive
Like he didn’t really care.

Santorum came on like gang-busters
He savaged Romneycare
He nailed the best lines of the night
He had the fieriest spirit there.

Ron Paul corralled the students’ vote
Their cheers flew through the air
He talked of money backed by gold
And wars he’d un-declare.

The game was changed again last night -
Newt’s campaign is losing air
And Mitt’s once more the smartest bet
To win the whole affair.

Newt Shoots for the Moon

Newt Gingrich on Wednesday elaborated on his plan to put an American colony on the moon.  He stated that when the colony’s population exceeded 13,000, they could petition to become the 51st state. 

Adapted from NASA images
Moon:  Houston, we have a problem.

Houston:  What’s up, Doc?

Moon:  Some people up here are sending around petitions to become a state. They’re pretty worked up about it – some have even threatened to go on strike if the statehood thing doesn’t fly.

Houston.  Christ! It’s all due to agitation by that fat Gingrich!  Ever since he stepped down as President to be the Moon Governor, he’s been pressing for this.  All the guy cares about now is the moon colony – he wants it renamed Newtonia, for Chrissake!  Jesus, what a nut case!

Moon:   Yeah, but you’d better watch your language.  You know how President Santorum feels about that kind of talk.

Houston:   Jesus, you’re right! Oops, there I go again… Well, what are we going to do about this? If the colony becomes a state, they’ll be wanting all kinds of things.  They’ve been complaining for years that Congress controls all their affairs and that nobody gives a sh.., nobody cares about what they think.  You wait and see, they’ll want to hold a Presidential primary next.  It’s just crazy.

Moon:  Houston, you’re missing the point.  This talk about a strike is really dangerous.  You know how they screened the colonists for any hint of pro-union sympathies – the folks at WalMart really helped us out there – and yet here they are talking about a strike!

Houston:  How did this happen?

Moon:  Law of unintended consequences.  Gingrich started talking to the colonists about statehood empowering them…but once you start that kind of loose talk, and they start thinking about power…well, you know the rest.  The statehood thing’s just a Trojan horse – this talk of strikes will lead to demands to improve working conditions and then the whole place is likely to blow up!

Houston:  Well, what are we going to do about it?

Moon:  First thing is to get rid of Gingrich.  Bring him back down to earth – and I mean that literally.  As long as he’s up here, gettin’ folks riled up about statehood and stuff, he jeopardizes the whole mineral extraction business. He thinks the whole moon’s his baby but he doesn’t realize that he’s just a figurehead.  Anyway, we’ll have to get Gingrich fired.

Houston:  OK, I’ll talk to Donald Trump.   Ha, Ha…just a joke.  Seriously though, we’ll put in a conference call to the President and update him on the situation here. 

Moon:  No, No – this is too big for that.  Besides, Santorum owes Gingrich big time for stepping down and letting him become President – he’ll never cross him.   We’ll have to go over his head.

Houston:  Over the President’s head?!  You mean…..?

Moon:  Yep…We’ll have to talk to the Koch brothers!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Rick Santorum is not John McCain

Rick Santorum was asked about President Obama by a woman who said that “legally, he is not [the President]”  and that he was an “avowed Muslim”.  Santorum responded to her question, but did not correct her or express disagreement with her statement.  When it was pointed out that John McCain, in a similar situation in 2008, had corrected the misinformation about Obama, Santorum replied "I am not John McCain and I've never been like John McCain and I'm not running as a candidate who's anything like John McCain." 

Santorum says "It’s not my job
To tell that lady she’s off base
I didn’t want to seem a snob
Or make her feel she’s out of place.

Obama’s not a Muslim, true,
And he’s our legal President
But if some folks don’t have a clue,
To correct them I’d be hesitant."

John McCain, in his campaign
When something similar occurred
Made his position very plain -
He’s not a Muslim, he demurred.

So Rick replied “I’m not McCain”.
Um…Rick? You can say that again. 

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Mitt's Taxes

Mitt Romney said during the debate on Monday night that his tax rate was about 15%.  He added, "I pay all the taxes that are legally required and not a dollar more."

Although he makes a lot of dough
Mitt Romney’s tax rate’s kinda  low
It don’t seem right
But he’s too bright
To pay more than he owe.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Newt Gingrich - An Alinsky-Style Conservative

Newt Gingrich, in his attacks on the “vicious, destructive, negative”  media, might have taken lessons from Saul Alinsky, who has written that community organizers should “rub raw the sores of discontent”, “fan the latent hostilities”, “search out controversies and issues rather than avoiding them”.

Though Newt despises Saul Alinsky
He dances ‘round him like Nijinsky,
For he employs Saul’s guiding light
To rub the sores that rile the right
Like journalism's left-wing slant.
Newt’s self-righteous, cranky cant -
For him a reflex like Babinski’s -
Is from the playbook of Alinsky’s. 

Monday, January 23, 2012

Push-back Politics

Newt Gingrich demonstrated the utility of pushing back hard in his response to John King’s opening question about his second marriage in last week’s debate.  Source mages from and  

When trouble comes and you are pressed
Here’s some practical advice:
Push-back politics works the best.
Don’t smooth things over with a jest
Don’t give a thought to being nice
When trouble comes and you are pressed.

Make them sorry they with you messed
Show them they must pay a price
Push-back politics works the best.

Get angry but stay self-possessed
Fix them with a scowl like ice
When trouble comes and you are pressed.

Point your finger, beat your chest
Pound the table once or twice
Push-back politics works the best.

With thunder let your words be blessed -
Your foes will cut and run like mice
When trouble comes and you are pressed
Push-back politics works the best. 

Saturday, January 21, 2012

The Christian Vote

The Christian right will vote on Saturday
And then we’ll see if they accept
The Church of Mitt  - The Saints of Latter-Day.
But Newt won’t get their vote - he slept
Around a bit while he was married
Because he wanted partners varied.
Rich Santorum’s sure to get
A lot of Christian votes, I'll bet.
For Rick said God told him, "I warrant
It would be a grave mistake
If gays the vows of marriage take."
Some Christians find them all abhorant
And will sit it out election night.
And you know what? I think they're right!

Friday, January 20, 2012

Candidate Confidence

A Gingrich advisor suggested that Romney lacks “self-assurance” and helpfully pointed out that “Newt doesn’t suffer from that.”

Mitt’s self –assurance is quite limited
Some have even called him timided.
Poor Romney never quite relaxes
When he talks about his taxes.  
He stumbles, mumbles, grins and pauses
His answers, though, are just lost causes.

Now Newt’s assurance is robust
So much some fear he might combust
And scatter flames about the stage
When he begins to vent his rage.
His responses aren’t programmable
In fact, they’re often quite inflammable.

Michelle Not for Newt

A spokesperson for MichelleBachmann’s campaign  declared that she has not yet made a decision as to whom she would endorse, but indicated that Newt Gingrich  “lacks the poise, experience and moral fiber to represent our principles and values.”  Her campaign later denied making such a statement.  

Michelle has come out against Newt.
She obviously thinks he’s a brute.
He scorned her campaign
With lip-curling disdain
So she for a not-Newt will root. 

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Perry Retires

Rick Perry cried “I’m outta here,
But just before I disappear
I wanna say that Newt’s my guy -
He’s better at debates than I
And more conservative than Mitt,
But as for me, I’m through - I quit.”

GOP's Pipeline Anthem

To be sung to the tune of Don't Fence Me In. Image from

O give me jobs, lots of jobs on the oil pipeline’s route
Let Keystone flow
Let it glide o’er the plain and make sure it won’t pollute
Let Keystone flow
Give us oil, lots of oil from the tar sands please
We’ll refine it even though it makes us wheeze
Then we’ll try and sell it to those rich Chinese
Let Keystone flow

Just turn it loose
Let the oil come and roil some environmentalists
They’re so abstruse
They elaborate, collaborate with sentimentalists
They want to stop using oil and find green solutions
All in the hope that they can stop pollutions,
Undermine our economic institutions
Let Keystone flow

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Mitt's Tax Boondoggle

Mitt Romney pays fifteen percent
Of his income to the government
That’s lots less than you and me.
He doesn’t get a salary -
He cut a deal when he left Bain
To share in profits and retain
The lower tax rate for his pay:
The rich get richer ev’ry day.  

Newt the Community Organizer?

In the debate on Monday night, Newt Gingrich stated the following: “ I am going to continue to find ways to help poor people learn how to get a job, learn how to get a better job, and learn some day to own the job.”

Newt did well in the debate -
He sneered at those who moderate.
image from
His answers, filled with condescension,
Certainly got folks rapt attention
To him they gave a loud ovation
They stomped and yelled in adulation.

He says he’s out to help the poor
To learn the skills in fending for
Themselves, i. e., to find a way
to get a job, collect some pay,
and look for opportunities
within their own communities
to find a better job that may
lead to ownership some day.

But what Newt doesn’t understand
Is that poor folks in our troubled land
Don’t need his helping hand to score
A job – most hold one or more.
And they don’t need some rich elitist
To tell them not to be defeatist.
They want more pay for what they do
And jobs that have a future, too.
So Newt, please stifle your advice
Your condescension isn’t nice
And though it wins you some applause
It doesn't help the poor folks’ cause. 

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Newt's Hymn to Himself

A Reagan Conservative am I
A man of principle and might,
A man who always gets things right,
A man who’ll never go awry.

A Northern Moderate is Mitt,
A man whose views are never clear,
A man who operates from fear,
A man who'll never quite commit.

     I’m the only one
     Who can end Obama’s reign
     ‘Cause I’ve got the better brain
     And I’ll never be outdone!

I’ve got ideas by the ton
I’m smart, articulate and strong
I’m always right, I'm never wrong
I'm the fully tested one

Mitt’s got no guts, no inner core
He’s been both right-to-life and choice
His is a moderating voice
He's just a shallow, shifty bore.

     I’m the only one
     Who can end Obama’s reign
     ‘Cause I’ve got the better brain
     And I’ll never be outdone!

For President I’m better suited
Since I was Speaker in the past
Our party's health is unsurpassed
Because of all the things that Newt did.

(Sotto voce)
I’m not unused to stress and strain
I've had an interesting life
But Mitt has only had one wife
His life is what you’d call mundane.
(Accelerando, crescendo)
     I’m the only one
     Who can end Obama’s reign
     ‘Cause I’ve got the better brain
     And I’ll never be outdone!
     Yes, I’m the only one
     Who’s conservative and true,
     Who will help us start anew.
     The fight has just begun!

     Yes, I’ve only just begun
     It’s now my day in the sun
     For I'll never be outdone!
     I’ll never be outdone!

Monday, January 16, 2012

Huntsman Retires

Jon Huntsman’s called it a day
He’s getting out of the fray
He’ll now endorse Mitt
It’s all over, that’s it -
He hadn’t a chance anyway. 

Now Mitt will get Jon’s support
But the numbers come up rather short
And there’s no guarantee
That with Mitt they’ll agree
They might with Colbert consort.

Newt Does the Wrong Thing

Newt Gingrich said on a Fox News Forum that an “intelligent conservative” would want to get rid of federal employees “who are in fact wasteful, or those folks who are ideologically so far to the left…”

Newt says that the government might
Fire people who don’t think right
Like liberals, you see -
"If  t’were up to me
We’d get rid of those bastards tonight!"

Newt Does the Right Thing

Newt Gingrich visited the Jones Memorial AME Church in Columbia, SC, Saturday for a 50 min question-and-answer session.  He was subjected to some quite pointed statements and said afterward “I think that there was a very honest, open dialogue that was very good for the country.  We ought to have more conversations like this.”

Newt was visiting a church that’s black
Where he endured a prolonged attack
From those who thought that he’s just a cracker.
But give him some credit – he’s no slacker -
He did what others don't dare
He came by himself to declare
That maybe once folks heard him speak
They’d find that his message wasn't so bleak. 

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Obama the Sly

Monica Crowley, Ph.D., speaking on the O’Reilly Factor the other night, presented her theory that the Occupy Wall Street movement was “orchestrated” to “provide President Obama with a major campaign theme”, namely income inequality. Several lines in Scene I were lifted from Coriolanus.

Scene I. New York.  A park.

    Enter a company of mutinous citizens, with tents and drums.

First Citizen.

We, the 99 percent, are accounted
Poor citizens for here we gather to protest
The leaness that afflicts us.  The one percent
Are by themselves accounted good and say
We slander the helms o' the state, who care for us
Like fathers. 

Second Citizen.

                       Care for us! They ne'er cared for us
Yet: suffer us to famish, and their store-houses
Crammed with grain; repeal daily any wholesome act
Established against the rich; and provide more
Piercing statutes daily, to chain up and restrain
The poor. If the wars eat us not up, they will; and
There's all the love they bear us.
     Exeunt stage left.

Scene II.  The Oval Office

     Enter President Obama with Lady Pelosi


Our plan doth proceed apace.  Already have they
Divided our citizenry into the one percent
Who hath much and the ninety-nine who hath much less,
And thus resentment riseth and attach itself,
As I foretold, to Lord Romney, the knave
Who would my place in this round office take.


But how didst thou orchestrate this scene?
It doth seem to me very like the herding of cats.


Aye, it were no easy task, but the details
Of this I must retain for my own counsel
For I fear much that word of our guiding hand
In this will leak to Lady Crowley, PhD,
Who hath, as thou knowest, oft revealed
My darkest and most secret machinations.


Yes, she hath disclosed, as I recall, the message
Thou sendest to David of Axelrod through the play
that Robert Scheiffer did perform before the nation.
That was wondrous shrewd and cunning, and yet..


And yet she did expose my part in it
To all who had ears to heed her rantings.
And she did also bring to light my hand
In making a loathsome and repugnant thing
Of a cheeseburger that she was wont to eat.
I believe a mole must lurk within my staff
That doth inform the wench of my very thoughts.


Dost thou think that she hath gotten wind
Of thy secret plan to turn this hapless land,
Rife with venturing capitalists like Lord Romney
Who doth themselves too much enrich
While casting workers into penury,
To make of it a socialistic state?


Thou must not speak of such things, even here
Within my office, for there are those who might
Thee overhear and sound alarums that
Would all my plans undo.  We must content
Ourselves with signs most subtle – winks, nods
And crossรจd fingers - and with flow’ry words
Pay full service of the lip to free enterprise,
While our true thoughts we hold in deep disguise.